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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?